Meersbrook Park spent a glorious evening on a lightning-fast green at Millhouses Park on Friday (2nd June.) Despite some good performances the evening was marred when home favourite “Glorious” Gaynor utterly destroyed Jon in the final match, which finished somewhere around midnight.
Having been kept waiting by possibly the longest game of doubles in Work League history, featuring Cai and Agnus, (both now thought to be in their eighties,) and containing more ends that the South Yorkshire Encyclopaedia of cul de sacs, all eyes were on Gaynor. She was relentless in her humiliation of Jon, bewitching the idiosyncratic green, as she had clearly done for years.
(Rumours of her relationship to Gloria Gaynor remain unconfirmed although her star quality is unquestionable.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dYWe1c3OyU
A tearful Jon sobbed in the press conference afterwards:
The first end I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live with her on the other side
I had spent so many ends realising she could not go wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And I got back
From seven nil down
I just stuck with thumb and bowled up and down
I should have changed that stupid mark, I should have made her play long
If I’d known who I was playing, I wouldn’t have even come!
Normally supportive skipper, Terry, was not positive about Jon’s body language:
He should just give up, go, walk out the door
he can’t turn this around now
He’s no good, anymore
I’ve talked to him man to man, I’ve told him eye to eye
I think he’d crumble
I think he’d lay down and die
He’s got no chance, he will not survive
Oh, as long as I captain, he shouldn’t even try
I’ve got my team to lead
And the season must proceed and I’ll survive
I will survive, hey, hey
Before this drama, the night had begun well.
Cai and Agnes formed a formidable partnership to oppose a very strong Millhouses pairing. Cai in particular was laying down all sorts of problems and the game inched forward, a point at a time, in a tight contest.
Cleverly electing to play himself with the green basked in sun, Terry bowled like a Rolls Royce, smoothly running up the score. He cruised home and was the first winner. Jim followed. His performance was more Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. There was some misfiring at first, but he was flying by the end, and ran out a comfortable winner.
Meanwhile Cai and Agnes had reached about 5 across.
Andrew started really well. I was surprised to learn he had lost has he never seemed to land more than a yard from the jack.
The Cia and Agnes score was now 6 across.
Meersbrook’s new signing from Hadliegh Bowls Club in Suffolk, Tom, was coming to terms with the fact that the green was not flat (like they are in Suffolk) but shaped like a bomb hat hit it. Which apparently it had. (In the war). Paul was giving him excellent support but getting no luck what-so-ever, and, although Tom showed great promise, and began to find routes through the valleys and mountains tops, it was another win for Millhouses.
Cai and Agnes had now reached 10-8. Nobody cared who was winning. People just wanted it over.
Jon came out as the moon was rising and the first stars were showing. Gaynor was by far the brightest however; her light even overshadowing Agnes and Cai’s doubles game, which had been delayed numerous times as the scorers had fallen asleep. They eventually went down 21-17, which coincidently had been the players ages at the start of the game. If that was hard loss to take, it was nothing to the trouncing Jon was given thereafter.
A sad end to a briefly promising career.